Every year Jews are given an opportunity. A gift. A day and half to truly confront ourselves. For the rest of the year we can stay distracted by day to day busy-ness and hide from ourselves.
Yom Kippur comes to allow us the opportunity to get real.
We are to have honest conversations with ourselves about where we are and where we want to be. And we’re scared to do it.
Most of us want to sit back, complain about our hunger, and let the chazzan do the heavy lifting. We chant when appropriate and say the requisite “Amens”. We feel very accomplished for having stayed quiet for so long.
But quiet is the opposite of where we should be. If we are to truly to understand ourselves, we must confront ourselves in conversation. The prayers of Yom Kippur outline a litany of sins, but this is just the beginning of the dialogue. No one knows us better than us – except some might argue God, but to most, God’s not talking. So have an actual conversation with yourself. There is a strong cognitive difference between a thinking conversation and a spoken one. Don’t look askance – I know most of you practice difficult dialogues before you try them on others – that is you in dialogue with yourself. Put that energy to use for yourself. Susan Scott, in her seminal book, Fierce Conversations, makes the point stronger.
“All conversations are with myself – and sometimes they involve other people.”
Here are some steps to guide you through honest conversations with yourself from Scott’s book:
1. What is the most important thing that I should be talking about
2. Describe the issue
3. How is this impacting you? Who else is it impacting?
4. If nothing changes what are the implications?
5. What is the ideal outcome? When I resolve this what difference will it make?
6. What is the most potent step I can take to begin to resolve this issue?
7. What am I committed to doing and when?
Use the liturgy of Yom Kippur to help guide you if you are searching for language to identify your issue. Sometimes you can find answers in the most unexpected phrases.
Just don’t let this opportunity pass you by.
Leadership Lesson: Start with confronting yourself. Your success will give you strength and courage to confront others in the same meaningful and honest way.